Saturday, April 4, 2009

Reflections on Brady's Diagnosis

While we're certainly relieved and happy that there is no malignancy present in Brady's brain (we were pretty sure there wasn't) we so hoped they would tell us it was "nothing"... and we could be done with it.  But life circumstances  are often not so "neat and tidy" are they?  There's an awful lot of ambiguity in all of human existence.  Much as we wish things could be "black" and "white," more often than not we end up with varying shades of "grey" that we have to try and make sense of. I probaly always "understood" that was true, but the past 11 months, I've "lived" it.  I don't necessarily like it; I may never really like it, but somehow I do have to learn to "make peace" with it, because it's not likely to change and it can drive you crazy if you expect to "get control" of it. (And who among us doesn't want to be "in control" of their life?)

At the end of the day, we obviously still have a great deal of concerns.  Since there is such ambiguity over exactly what caused the cysts in Brady's brain in the first place, it's hard to tell if there is danger of more damage happening. Frankly, when a well-respected pediatric neurologist at Hopkins says, "You know... I'm just not sure what to tell you..." that gives you pause.  I mean, at least they are honest, but you turn to the so-called expert to tell you what's wrong... and in this case she is trying to figure it out along with us.  Just goes to show, once again, that doctors don't know everything.  Sometimes there "guessing" just like the rest of us...

I guess our best prayer at this point is that this is in fact "old" damage and that it was a one-time thing, and of course that the damage done in the past isn't causing some of the developmental issues Brady has had to date. 

In short: We just want our boy to be "okay" but for now, we're going to have to "wait" and see how things progress.


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